A small cup
That’s how much love
She had in me
Nothing substantial
But Not
Non-existent either
A small cup
For a man who
Doesn’t drink coffee
A small cup
For a man who needs
A Large cup
For water
A small cup
What do I do
With a small cup?
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A small cup That’s how much love She had in me Nothing substantial But Not Non-existent either A small cup For a man who Doesn’t drink coffee A small cup For a man who needs A Large cup For water A small cup What do I do With a small cup? I have not written for a very Long Time The death, the possibility of Death Hath returned to my life And Awoken me Finding me under a spotlight A Face I barely recognise Drips into snow Melts Into me Or into the sky And just like that I lost him again. Did you know That people are amazing? That they’re capable Of so great of truth and honesty As well as Put on their mask To shield up Not even their scars But themselves, so distant Almost or Already Beyond recognition I did not know that you can’t recognise Yourself Or that You could always lose it Shit It scares me. I don’t want to lose me Again In exactly 14 days I will be homeless For not playing ball To the Dullest motherfucker Who needs a friend that could withstand all of his bullshit And a city So wretched that it gulps you up without any pretense Nor a please & thank you So chewed up That one piece does not regard another piece with any heart left I’m fucked And left alone The madman who shouted on the train last night With his PHD in psychology was right and rightfully furious “It’s all broken and in pieces Maybe we will fix it maybe we won’t.” His mother died today And he drank beer from plastic gallon bottles that he kept in a thin plastic bag “Fuck you and your ridiculous sense of fashion” To a yuppy briefcase-carrier in the next compartment who’s grinning in a safe distance. The madman sang a few more And stayed inside at the last stop Then I looked at myself “Yes boy. I’m wearing Black as well.” A Stranger did not recognize me Sweet lie with a pad on the back I Stood alone amidst them all We passed each other by My ears were lost Then found again the next evening During the silence I watched everything And I mean everything With Sobriety. Old friend, Sobriety. Darlings as they may be But none of them mine A dear beautiful lady With Shining dancing shoes on Searching for something ephemeral to last another eternity I existed in-between moments She Caught me, misplaced, alone I passed it off as mere exhaustion Quick steps away in silence I watched her disappear “Damn it”, I thought “Should’ve been honest, I graduated today and all I have is lost and bitterness.” What she could’ve said I will never know This old head of mine Is finally, Back on the horse again. The storm has already passed Let’s descend, you and I Revel with the dust at night. I love you all. Let’s share a sigh of relief Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (I wrote some many hs I forgot what it meant) I am a cheap three-dollar whore Learning tricks from pimps and top bitches About how to look better About how to sound better About how to walk better About carrying a Solid Professionalism To Attract a nice pimp daddy So I’d get most Johns I paid my Pimp & Top-bitch teachers handsomely Now I look better in Silk Slips Now I sound better from my nasal moans Now I walk better with my ass up&down Now I Stick to appointment time so that I’m never late I put on a nice beautiful make-up And got my boudoir pictures taken Look into my Starry eyes Would you Fuck me in the Ass, Daddy? I fell in love with the feeling of a sinking ship It’s one of the most incredible afterthoughts Watching a living man slowly killed alive He was a philosopher once And a man of God We’d talk for hours Of Nietzsche and life The last I heard of him Was he moving back to the big city A braggable writing job In a tiny single apartment Finally alone. He got shot in the head With a paper bullet In 1971. I used to have a friend who talks All kinds of philosophy and life Now he just eats and play with his cock He fucked virgins but never popped their cherries And He left God alone too He’d never think of seeing me again Even when we live three stories below One day he puts on a suit With a shiny second-hand brief-case He told me he’s gonna make big money Assume a humble generous Renown And become the slick of the town Then I puked on his green leather shoes And pulled out my magnum pistol Thus I shot Johnny dead In 1971 According to you, there ain’t no god and judgement day Some silly nonsense of by-gone assholes trying to rule us down Good and Evil are just convenient devices that aim to serve your annual gross report Time ticks and you need to run to get your nails done before the festival on Saturday night Two more glasses of champagne while you go through your pictures by the beach, comparing which ones most suit your eye ‘I didn’t want to say this’, you said, ‘but you outta change your shoes every Monday, haven't anyone taught you how to dress?’ You got tired just talking and drinking Nice silk dress you have on that matches your red accent I’m not a military man, Never had the uniform to impress Taking time to think through what you’ve said, then I realized that you actually have said none I don’t believe no sex and your lovely glamour looks just like another nameless chandelier When the War comes the Wolf howls the Food run out the Men perish the Lies triumph Will you bring back Peace take us Home plant new Corps raise the Dead let goodness Shine As God bellow his wrath Will your batting eyelashes fend him down? No, Lady. There’s just too much hurt in the world When everyone is fighting not to bend down Every bit of Sun only peeks though dark heavy clouds No, Lady. Take your money back to the bank and raze it to the ground Treat your skincare and diet routine more seriously won’t bring you back alive No, Lady. I don’t think you know how this works Your Vanity Doth Offend My Pride And Ground. A Palm Tree tells you everything is possible Tall, thin lip leaves by dozens, bearing coconut In its waving and green nature It Says I be without questioning My fruit is slow but replenishes A single meal for a few mouths Dry, white brown, dying leaves Never got much sun, barely holding on Head nodding heavily toward the ground it does not wave like those on top but wind moves its crumbling limbs That resembles life in slight movements left and right Then you realize the whole tree leans left and right It doesn't have much Style But it’s innate form is quite majestic As Hell. As the sun sets in every minute There Is a moment among moments As we grow & decompose for as long as we live death is born out of Life While the living feed upon death A Most Harmonious Little design like an old watch or a master violin It Works, maintain, transform till It Crumbles Or ascend perfection Don’t you want a laugh with cigarettes to sense all you can in a manner of seconds into eternity while sipping on your coffeespoon Till we die then give life again? Should I Die this moment It would not make a slightest difference In the eyes of Archimedean Point My Acquaintances will eventually or never learn the News My immediate and distant friends will spend a thought or two My kinsmen will be upset then have their lunch Just like the Oak tree Outside my Balcony Should it vanish, uprooted Overnight I shall complain then read another play Life and Death create reality that demands acceptance The world will continue to live when rid off all Animals & Humanity The End of the world is but a Romantic Phrase A Vain Egotistical statement to accentuate illusory self-importance Should I live Or should I die Just like Walking into my kitchen after getting out of bed How strange, under morning light Everything remained exactly where I left them last night Even my half-drank tea sitting in my cup next to the sink I Stop and listen Moment, moments of Silence Life will always be, just in different senses Hop on in, babe, Beware the New Tarnish Tell me Where you’d like to Go. I’ve Got the maps and a tank of Gasoline And plenty of times for You. Not unlike you, i’m new to these waters too. Catching the midnight sun and watching the world flows by. Sure, I can keep a banter, just don’t pour out your soul, remember to leave some for you. Can you feed on Booze and Cigarettes alone? There aren’t no good answers on an empty stomach for us blubbering fools. I grow patience-less and cruel when I can’t eat for 10 Hours Please Kindly forgive my sins when you manage the heart to do so Didn’t I mention the traveler always give Pity to those who Unveil their mantle? Please stay in the Ride, Knowing there aren’t Second Chances coming from you It gives me the Hollows that I Can’t drop you where you needed to go. Goes to prove that I ain’t no Saint when I bit off more than I Could Chew No good to keep you on since you outta walk on your own. I Know I’ve been saying otherwise, but that’s just wounded pride & Untamed Ego. So Long, my wee friends I’ll Catch you later down the Road. Last thing first, Remember to Call for a Hitchhike Maybe you’ll see the headlights Shine on from end of the Night That I might be able to say again “Passenger, Goodbye.” See these Red White Black Yellow Brown faces Moving with every beat and secret under holding pockets of dreams With every shots and drunken stupors they slowly pour out their flames How they are enraged underneath their skin while keeping their mouth shut No wonder they’re so sick since they stew their anger rather than use it If you ask them how they want to use it all they got is blank bland faces Truth is they don’t want free for all they just want to trade places with them on the top. Yeah Y’all mad and scream in silence my dearly beloved brethren When you sarcastic nonchalantly piss life in the rain and proclaim it’s all meaningless pointless while you never tried That paycheck bounced straight to the dispensary and 2 MDMA and DMTs What right really do you have to be angry my friend? It’s always easy to take than to create, stuff that to your dosage of daily entertainment Y’all lives so colorless it take a million of you to make up 2 hues of Blue Why you so mad, why the anger underneath your sheet Come out and fight me in the sun, I’ve got my weapons ready, you Need a hand? Me and my crew got tired of waiting, we tried and stopped being angry in silence We dropped it, dropped out, got in, played hard, missing limbs and parts of my brain I sacrificed for the sheep. Still I scream in the open Still I scream in the open Still I scream in the open And this conclude my declaration and all my messages To All of those who are barely fighting and legs trembling standing You are as weak as you are strong Shut your mouth with all y’all dumb excuses If you try a little bit you won’t be as angry and pointlessly mean Squash your heart and drink that blood Is there any fun to be a living dead? Is it so fun to be a living dead? Silent anger, little soldiers Come out and Join the real fight She’d memorize talking points Then regurgitate Like a Tele-market salesman To a hooked up customer Wine, dine, home cooked meal Imported cigarettes and cheap wine Topics range from Personal aspirations Commiserations Obscene sexual escapades With the accompaniment of other girls Who have way passed thirty years old Yet still thinking they are seventeen A yard of 18 apartments Housing mostly whores And local construction crew The Men Enter Stay Fuck Shower Sometimes I bumped into them Sometimes I can’t pee ‘cause they are using the bathroom Sometimes they try to make small talk Sometimes they smoke alone in the kitchen at midnight Sometimes they’d talk loud well into 2AM in the living room Sometimes I become so afeared when I hear the front door opening Sometimes they all annoy the Living Soul out of me But most of the times I just ignore them. She told her friends That I’m her nephew To the locals That I’m her cousin To her Every Night Grooms Whatever that makes her life simple She’s divorced from the old country Left two kids behind to their grandparents. She came here to be Free, to be her own boss And feel admired from Make-up & Sex And buying lotta stuffs. Her kindness is attached to Praises and ego Her cruelty is manifested by calling the natives “Dirt” She is an interesting character At First Glance One That I Can definitely Live Without. Four men holding four dogs on a leash Walking in slow pace across the school yard The coffee is bitter and creamy I remember when I was very young I asked my cousin, who was in high school “Why do you drink this thing? It’s bitter!” I have forgotten his answer, mustn’t be a remarkable one But that was my first taste of coffee Bitter, infused with my hatred. Now before I sleep I think about the creamy bitter coffee that I will drink tomorrow And It brings me joy Almost the same as a large taffy Will send the Eight-year-old me to the clouds I close my eyes and wonder What tomorrow will bring. It is curious about the things I used to mock I don’t know if I have become a hypocrite Or becoming a man, while losing his child. We are all stuck here in this piece of history You stand behind the counter I come in and sit down at the pavilion every day You dream of marvelous wonders in the world that I bring in I crave a good cup of coffee to calm myself down while listen to the birds There is no greater truth in my being or yours No union, Nor love affair, Certainly no friendship Figments of imagination pumped by wild fantasies Channeled as fuel to feed the lifelessness of our shared colorless days You, in your conviction of a story I, in an endless search for something that extends infinitude There isn’t anything special See, that’s a word crafted and infused with artificiality In sooth, the truth is all too plain We are but human after all. Temptation lives in the heart To Want; To Please; To Squander Pokes the eye and Plagues the imagination Seize the mind to Stare And Squeeze out nobler Dispositions Takes men for women, Women for meat. Creeps in with long Patience Nudge every waking object Into Walking Pleasures Command men to beasts, Reason to a whore. As Storming Winds puffing Wheezing An ever so old tale To Dwindle Our twinkling, scolding soul. A constant regret That led to sunny prayers Ever so frail is a man. Yet by a sleep so dies His Studious Convictions Have faith, ye gods Or ye godless gods so faithless win'ed. Desperation is the Blockade & Name of Being Tough and in Control. Behind these facades It’s so easy to spot The Vulnerability, the Soft Spots Something called a Heart. They call it Toxic, Foolish, Macho But there is glimmers of truth In their presumptuous ignorance: If you stare at him Long enough The knees are bent and Cracking Marks of dark scabs And Untreated wounds Open Lacerations Dust in the outgoing breathe They’re telling some kind of Weight That a soul can take In A seemingly never-ending sessions Of Living. Thís is what I leave you See these silent shivering Men Sliced Leaves Incapacitated children Are so eager to crawl in the sand To Grab a fistful of earth And Throw them in the AIR. I stand in exile Some nowhere island hoarding plenty people It rains a lot and still they work No obvious ambition And everybody Is so eager to relax. They just drink, dance, smoke and laugh But meek enough to bow down to the money machine They appear god-ish but Nobody seeks Study, work, fuck, marry, raise kids Without much survival pressure Never in my life did I dream of here Yet here I am entrapped and footloose See they emphasis a different type of life Resemblance of soul but truly living as ants Yesterday I asked a cab driver “In an ideal world, what would you do?” “A mechanic, yeah? Fix cars, more money.” “But if you can be The king of France A Fighter pilot CEO of all corporations Pope of the catholic church would you still be a car mechanic?” “Oh, then no, yeah?” “What would you be then?” There was only silence And I mourned for another wasted soul “Make you think, yeah?” he says Precisely, since you flushed it Right down the toilet. When Pandora opened her Box Evil & all its forms Broke all hell. Pandora sheds tears of Blood as she see And promptly shuts the Box in great dismay Nags and Probes do all the noises rouse A tiny faint knock Breaks the little scene Under the tight shut lid cries “Free Me Now!” Pandora peeks the lid with a pinky lift “Order shall I restore! Keep me close and strong!” Pandora smiles and implore for her name “Hope is me, Fragile but Firm.” So looks Pandora, Breathing in the Room Tis the world and all there is to ME. Lenox Impromptu #1 — My Ideal Voice It reaches far but is never loud, it cuts deep but is never sharp, It lifts weight but is not manipulation, it brings peace but is not sophistication. To the summit of high mountains Below the 18 floors of hell You’ll hear me Ringing from the south. Lenox Impromptu #2 — First and last words In the sonnet of my heart: A shame lost, Arose new men To eclipses of day do praises report See thy duty, thee, to enclose a name Wherefore privilege blots the child Our finest knights, loosen edges got. Lenox Impromptu #3 — love on the spot Thou vengeful curses and meticulous cunnings did boil my blood to air, Take my hand, dear heart, For I love thee again. Lenox Impromptu #4 — “You shoulds…” Be powerful, feared, intimidating, strong, threatening Be gentle, patient, understanding, nonjudgmental, loving, giving, caring Be myself, Be others’ expectations Be useful, Don't Be useless Be like the dude. Don’t be like the dude. Be smart, know-it-all, wise. Don’t Be smart. Don’t Be know it all. Don’t Be too wise. “Be a decent human being…just not in the way I don’t like!” “Don’t be a piece of shit, be the way I want you to be!” At the end, I’m alone after all. So, carry on 5300-- Fuck off the useless thoughts. Lenox Impromptu #5 — I Am I am a human being I am a cocky motherfucker I am a judgmental prick I am a vulnerable flesh Blood and Soul I am not a Brain in a vat I am good and Evil I am Richard II, Marc Antony, Ferdinand, Richard of Glouster I am everything I can be and those I don’t know that I can be I am a lover of the Honest, Open human spirit. I am a fucking actor. Lenox Impromptu #6 — Farewell Address Friends, Thespians, Lovers, lend me your ears! Hither I came to tell thee a shard of mine heart. Hence, patience, peace. O I could cry right now. Dear friends, how many of you never shall I see again! Comrades and friends, kinsmen. But tis so, the winding clock of time Doth crown the soul of our sad hour. To joy, to sorrow, to yesterdays and to morrow. By jove, set sail right under this clear sky And May Good-a-night sleeps attend our pious servitude. The Slower it gets The More Flavor one finds In the Minute Passing One learns the treasure of Time And the weight of Life Incessant Marching Drum in Undertow But live to breathe, eat, talk And taste the differences of Air We all Live and We all Die Find tenderness and Love in company Devotion and Honor in the works Abide and Follow None Else But Truth. Into the night I rode A moderate good distance My royal horse turns and coughs Left me some walking Singing familiar tunes I pause every few steps for some breathing How many New Years should I endure And unwelcome thoughts bound I to jest A dozen good strangers will do Yet millions so unneeded "To Heaven, sir? And Hell too. For it's the same place, you see." Well, my sweets Still distance too great And let's walk a little Shall we? I woke up knowing the burden of great weight, brought by the sins of this world A great ether that dance by itself, emanates infinitely into the belly of galaxies Waves descend, crushes the tiny intellects, possessed in the immediate fixated brains of ape Reading Apes, shooting bullets of love to end themselves, jump in boyish titillation, ripple the pool of blood Howl, Howl, overwhelms little whimpers of guilt, arise triumphant the valiant idol of memory everlasting Preaching on a mount to the bowing knaves: Thou shall not know but live in thy charge; Thou shall place hope; Thou shall not feel but live in tomorrow; Thou shall be joyous; Thou shall obey and never question; Thou shall abide trust. And Thus, made the Sins Of This World When thou art perpetually not kin but exploitable foe Crumbling the lowly order of this newly garden, crowns a deathful chaos to rule in the soon of silence. My own conscience beams Hard to my eyes These lazy days. Readin’ Eatin’ Drinkin’ Playin’ Playin’ Swimmin’ Chattin’ Writin’ and making my own movie while coming up plot dialogues Sleeping on the living room floor on top of my beige quilt every 4AM Taking eye drops on my eyeballs after watching things online And I dream fantastic dreams The types of dreams that show me eternal truths Far beyond my imagination I just sat around on my fat ass and chug coffee tea and water Now summer is on the way Time to finish what needs to get done And throw my sore-eyed brain back to life I am the Soul of Souls Kissed by love Lifted from abyss to life When rules are meant to be broken And the final passage is close to ruins God expelled me from Hell “How the fuck are you running around here ” Then a force surged up on my back Within 1/10 of a second Found myself landing on the smooth polished gravel road About 50 miles vertically above where I was Standing there and listen to the big engines howl from under These animals nailed a severed head on a big fallen pole and chased me around for a meal “Well, fuck hell” Then I opened my eyes |
